Relationships Have Changed

Recently I reached out to a friend for some relationship advice and he had come to an interesting conclusion; relationships today aren’t like they used to be.  Back during our parents and grandparents time, relationships were built to last and now it seems people are just out to be with as many people as they can with no commitment.  Back in the day men used to court women and they did it for some time before deciding to move forward and make her his girl and still even more time would go by before marriage came along.  Back then, when you got married, it was for life.

My grandparents are great examples of this, both my mom’s parents and my dad’s parents took ’til death do us part’ literally because they stayed married until death, even after death they are still married.  My dad and my step-mom are the true definition of true love to me.  Everywhere you saw my dad, my step-mom was right around the corner.  You never saw one without the other.  They could finish each other’s sentences, share a meal at a restaurant, spend nearly every waking moment with each other and never tire of the other person.  They were together for just over 30 years until my dad’s passing in January 2016.  I was in my early twenties when they actually married, but until then they started as roommates and it just grew.  They were were best friends, which is how it should be.

Your partner in life should be someone you trust completely, someone you respect entirely, someone you know you can turn to with any problems and they won’t judge you.  Someone you can lean on in time of need that won’t tell you they don’t have time to deal with your issues.  Someone who will just listen and not try and fix the problem every time; not every problem needs fixing.  Your partner in life should be someone you are attracted physically, emotionally, and mentally.

This same friend that I went to for advice also said you should go after what you want, fight for it, but my question is, what if the person you want to be with; the one you are going after and/or fighting for, doesn’t want to be with you?  I do believe in going after what you want, but in the case of people, that other person should want to be with you also otherwise isn’t it a wasted fight?

Now I’m not trying to be negative, because I’m the biggest romantic I know, but am lacking some serious romance.  I’ve never been successful in the romance department as I am 42 and never been married.  I know that a lot of people say that there has to be something wrong with you if you are in your 40’s and never been married.  I’m not perfect, but I’m just as deserving of love and romance as the next person.  I know I have some self-esteem problem and lack a bit in the self-confidence area, plus I tend to overthink things a lot, but I’m doing better.

Sometimes I think I was born later than I actually should have because I believe in the long term relationship.  I believe in being with only one person for life.  The problem I have in most “relationships” is I never seem to know where I stand with the person.  I am a firm believer in communication and I tend to sit and wonder to myself, “Are we doing this or what?” In part of my overthinking, I am constantly wondering where I stand with someone because going out on a date doesn’t mean the same as it used to.  When you would go out on dates in high school, you literally dated one person and you went out on these dates to get to know each other outside of school on a one on one basis.  In my experience lately, when a guy takes you out on a date he is usually expecting sex in return.  Now I’m not saying this is how it is with every guy I’ve been out with and especially not the guy I’d been seeing for nearly 2 years, but it’s the experience of many people and we’ve all seen the horror stories on the internet.  Ok, ok, you can’t believe everything you see on the internet, just like you shouldn’t believe every rumor you hear, BUT it had to start with some bit of truth before it got out of control.

Ok, I think I veered off subject here.  Sorry for that.  This post isn’t about me and my lack of dating skills, but about how relationships today are so different then they were decades ago.  There is no more waiting until you are married to have sex and people aren’t really so concerned about being with one person anymore.  When did we lose this virtue?  I’m not the most virtuous person out there, but I followed the masses like a sheep.  I truly believed in waiting until I was married to have sex, but by the time I was 21 I still hadn’t been in a real relationship with a guy, so I decided I was going to start doing what my friends did and my morals went out the window.

I don’t know that relationships will ever get back to the way they were with true courtship and romance, but wouldn’t it be nice?  I do hope for better relationship success for my daughter than I’ve had.  I’m 42, but I don’t think romance and courtship is truly out of my life plan, but I certainly won’t be holding my breath for it.  If it happens, FANTASTIC, but if not, oh well.  It is what it is and this is possibly God’s plan for me.  I do believe he has a solid plan for me, but I sure wish he would let me in on the secret.  Haha

god-has-a-plan-quotes-3

A Negative World

Is it possible to turn a negative society to a positive one?

For someone dealing with depression day in and day out, it’s already difficult for me to be positive on a daily basis, however it’s even more difficult when society is so negative these days.  It seems that every time I turn around someone is either offended by something on the TV, radio, social media, on clothing, etc.  What cracks me about about those that are offended by everything, they think they can file a petition to have that item of clothing removed from the shelves, that TV show taken off the air, or that commercial taken down all because THEY didn’t like something about it.  Heaven forbid they just walk away, change the channel, or turn the TV off.  Why force your opinion of something on everyone else?  I’ll get into that later on down.  I’m not sure if society has always been this touchy or if it’s just more noticeable due to the internet and social media now, but it has brought on a serious dark cloud of negativity on the world.

When Facebook first became available to the public, I jumped on that bandwagon because I thought it would be an exciting way to either meet new friends, keep in touch with family/friends that are in other states, or both.  I’m now starting to regret ever getting involved in social media because every time I get on it, someone is complaining about something that, to me, seems like a ridiculous and waste of time complaint.  Now, before you jump all over me for that comment, take a step back because you’ve all thought that.  I have no issue at all with someone expressing their opinion, but when you start telling others that their opinion is wrong and the name calling starts, that’s when I shake my head and roll my eyes.  Since when is an opinion wrong?  Let’s take a look at the glossary definition of opinion here: “a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.”  As you can see, an opinion is not based on fact, therefore cannot be wrong.  Everyone has an opinion about everything and with social media and the internet, it seems everyone feels safe voicing that opinion.  Good on them.  My main issue, is still with those that tell people their opinion is wrong and also those that insist their opinion is the only opinion that should matter to anyone and if you don’t agree, well there is something wrong with you.  Well, I don’t agree.

It’s hard for people to believe anymore that you can still have a conversation with someone without belittling them every chance you get and telling them they’re wrong because their opinion differs from yours and especially with no name calling or insults.  I mean seriously, how old are we?

I also find it difficult to join almost any conversation on any public forum because of the keyboard warriors.  You know those people, the ones that bully everyone and feel safe doing so because they are behind their keyboard and would likely never even step to a person in person.  It’s great you feel such power, but try using your power for good.  Let’s spread some happiness, cheer, and positivity instead of constant anger and negativity.

Back to the negative world.  If you look at the News these days, it is very rare that the media focuses on uplifting stories anymore.  Being an empath and someone who suffers from depression, I can’t watch the news anymore due to all the negativity and hate.  All the negativity and hate has always been around, but I seriously believe it has become more prominent due to social media.  There will be people that say it’s all due to the current President, and as much as I am not a fan of his, it’s not his fault.  He didn’t bring forth the hate and negativity; his followers just felt they were now empowered and allowed to show their hate more, but I honestly don’t believe that’s what he was wanting.

He says he wants to make America great again, however, I ask you, when was it ever great?  Was there ever a time when America was ever great for everyone living here?  No, there has never been a time.  I believe in making America great for everyone as this is a great country, but we need to start with tackling all the negativity and hate.  People are always going to hate what they hate and everyone will have a bout of negativity.  There is no getting rid of it completely and it would honestly be a very boring world if everyone was happy all the time.  We need a little variety and shaking up now and then, but it’s starting to become a very depressing country.

I could go on and on and on about this, but I think maybe I’ll end this here and come back to it again at a later time.  Something needs to be done.  We need to find a positive way to shake things up and get people to see how much better they would actually feel if they were positive instead of negative.  It has been medically proven that positivity is actually good for your health.  If you don’t believe me, check out the link below:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950

I love my friends and family and value their opinion, but I’ve seen how some of them talk to those whose opinion differs and this is why I choose to keep my opinions to myself.  I value their friendship and look beyond their negativity to see the good inside their soul; another benefit of being an empath.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. – Ghandi

Mother’s Day

This is how depression took over my Mother’s Day.

Well, yesterday was Mother’s Day and this is a day that is supposed to be joyous and everyone is either celebrating their Mother or celebrating being a Mother, but that was not the case for me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being a Mother to my precious daughter and I absolutely love my Mother.  I honestly wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for the support of this amazing woman who raised me almost entirely on her own, but this isn’t about that.

Yesterday I was hit with an enormous amount of depression.  It literally came out of nowhere.  I was severely depressed and fighting anxiety.  I suffer from clinical depression, which means I am lacking a certain chemical in my brain to keep me evenly keeled.  (love my technical terms? lol) Because I am lacking this chemical, I have to put forth a lot more energy to be happy and positive, which tends to take so much out of me that I am usually down for a day or two after a period of time.

I must say that my daughter is the most amazing little girl out there because she did everything in her power to put that smile back on my face that was there when I woke up, but nothing she could do put it back.  I did make sure she knew that my “mood” wasn’t due to anything she did because she is so wonderful.  She made me peanut butter cracker sandwiches for lunch, helped me fold the laundry, put her clothes away, offered to make my bed for me, and even asked if I needed her to hang out with me.

When I say she is amazing, I am not exaggerating, because she is truly the best child ever.  For Mother’s Day she made me a coupon book with personalized coupons for me to use whenever I want and they do not expire.  My favorite coupon is for her to play with my hair and give me a massage.  She also made me a Happy Mother’s Day sign decorated with glitter.  It just upset me more that no matter what she did, I just wasn’t happy and it brought her down.  I don’t think anyone understands how much it hurts when you know the people around you who love you are also hurting because of this “mood”.

Before you say, “have you thought about taking medication,” I have been down that road with no success.  I am trying to work through it the best I can in my own way and I have been having more good days then bad days, but the bad days still suck.  There are times when I just need a vacation from my self because the constant battle inside my body is so exhausting that I am unsure if I will ever catch up on the sleep I’ve been missing out on.  I do have amazing friends that are there for me, but being me, I don’t always lean on them because I’m always worried about what they have going on and don’t want to burden them with MY issues on top of their already piled high plate.  (I get yelled at a lot about that and they all remind me I’m not a burden.)  The strange thing is, I don’t always run to them with my problems, but constantly tell them they can come to me with theirs.  I think it’s a way for me to completely forget about what I have going on and gives me a way to focus on something else other than myself, but that only makes it worse because ignoring my feelings for a short time doesn’t make them go away.  This may be where my anxiety comes in because I keep allowing it all to pile on until it spills over and the panic attacks come at me.

What I want to get across is that depression is not fun, it’s not easy, and it never comes at a convenient time, usually it’s the MOST inconvenient time.  I love my life, love my daughter, love my friends, and couldn’t be more grateful for all I have, but know that I am human and I have to exert more energy than most to put on a happy face.  There will be times that I just cannot smile, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy, I’m just fighting a war inside my head and will take some time to get back to me.  We have to try not to allow it to take control of your life.  Easier said than done, I know, but it’s possible.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/what-is-depression#1

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-you-need-to-know/index.shtml

Please know you are not alone and there is help out there.  I am here, your friends are there, your family, and professionals.  I am always here to listen.  I am not a professional, so I cannot give medical advice, however I can be a shoulder to cry on or vent on, and I will do my best to point you in the right direction to get the help you need and will not leave your side until you tell me to.  There is always a way out and always, always, always someone willing to listen.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday