Relationships Have Changed

Recently I reached out to a friend for some relationship advice and he had come to an interesting conclusion; relationships today aren’t like they used to be.  Back during our parents and grandparents time, relationships were built to last and now it seems people are just out to be with as many people as they can with no commitment.  Back in the day men used to court women and they did it for some time before deciding to move forward and make her his girl and still even more time would go by before marriage came along.  Back then, when you got married, it was for life.

My grandparents are great examples of this, both my mom’s parents and my dad’s parents took ’til death do us part’ literally because they stayed married until death, even after death they are still married.  My dad and my step-mom are the true definition of true love to me.  Everywhere you saw my dad, my step-mom was right around the corner.  You never saw one without the other.  They could finish each other’s sentences, share a meal at a restaurant, spend nearly every waking moment with each other and never tire of the other person.  They were together for just over 30 years until my dad’s passing in January 2016.  I was in my early twenties when they actually married, but until then they started as roommates and it just grew.  They were were best friends, which is how it should be.

Your partner in life should be someone you trust completely, someone you respect entirely, someone you know you can turn to with any problems and they won’t judge you.  Someone you can lean on in time of need that won’t tell you they don’t have time to deal with your issues.  Someone who will just listen and not try and fix the problem every time; not every problem needs fixing.  Your partner in life should be someone you are attracted physically, emotionally, and mentally.

This same friend that I went to for advice also said you should go after what you want, fight for it, but my question is, what if the person you want to be with; the one you are going after and/or fighting for, doesn’t want to be with you?  I do believe in going after what you want, but in the case of people, that other person should want to be with you also otherwise isn’t it a wasted fight?

Now I’m not trying to be negative, because I’m the biggest romantic I know, but am lacking some serious romance.  I’ve never been successful in the romance department as I am 42 and never been married.  I know that a lot of people say that there has to be something wrong with you if you are in your 40’s and never been married.  I’m not perfect, but I’m just as deserving of love and romance as the next person.  I know I have some self-esteem problem and lack a bit in the self-confidence area, plus I tend to overthink things a lot, but I’m doing better.

Sometimes I think I was born later than I actually should have because I believe in the long term relationship.  I believe in being with only one person for life.  The problem I have in most “relationships” is I never seem to know where I stand with the person.  I am a firm believer in communication and I tend to sit and wonder to myself, “Are we doing this or what?” In part of my overthinking, I am constantly wondering where I stand with someone because going out on a date doesn’t mean the same as it used to.  When you would go out on dates in high school, you literally dated one person and you went out on these dates to get to know each other outside of school on a one on one basis.  In my experience lately, when a guy takes you out on a date he is usually expecting sex in return.  Now I’m not saying this is how it is with every guy I’ve been out with and especially not the guy I’d been seeing for nearly 2 years, but it’s the experience of many people and we’ve all seen the horror stories on the internet.  Ok, ok, you can’t believe everything you see on the internet, just like you shouldn’t believe every rumor you hear, BUT it had to start with some bit of truth before it got out of control.

Ok, I think I veered off subject here.  Sorry for that.  This post isn’t about me and my lack of dating skills, but about how relationships today are so different then they were decades ago.  There is no more waiting until you are married to have sex and people aren’t really so concerned about being with one person anymore.  When did we lose this virtue?  I’m not the most virtuous person out there, but I followed the masses like a sheep.  I truly believed in waiting until I was married to have sex, but by the time I was 21 I still hadn’t been in a real relationship with a guy, so I decided I was going to start doing what my friends did and my morals went out the window.

I don’t know that relationships will ever get back to the way they were with true courtship and romance, but wouldn’t it be nice?  I do hope for better relationship success for my daughter than I’ve had.  I’m 42, but I don’t think romance and courtship is truly out of my life plan, but I certainly won’t be holding my breath for it.  If it happens, FANTASTIC, but if not, oh well.  It is what it is and this is possibly God’s plan for me.  I do believe he has a solid plan for me, but I sure wish he would let me in on the secret.  Haha